You’re engaged and planning your wedding, life is perfect but will it end in happily ever after? Here’s a tongue in cheek guide on how to be a good wife and ensuring you keep your man happy throughout your married life!
Cook him a nice meal for when he gets home from work
No he doesn’t want vegetables and pasta, unless he’s a fitness instructor he doesn’t care how much vitamin K is in broccoli. He wants pizza or steak, maybe both together if it’s his birthday.
Make sure he has clean boxers and socks everyday
Even if there is a huge pile in the clean washing pile, men are rubbish at finding things. Even if you don’t get chance to put your own clothes away, make sure his undies make it in to his drawer.
Make him feel like a man
It doesn’t matter if you can open the jam jar, you must always pretend it’s too hard and ask him to do it. He will love feeling like a big, strong man who is able to rescue his damsel in distress.
Don’t let him get too hungry
Men that get hungry get angry, or ‘hangry’. Never let it get that far, notice when he’s not eaten in a few hours and bring him little snacks but NEVER suggests that his mood is down to being hungry. Think of how it makes you feel when he suggests it’s your ‘time of the month’.
Halve your daily word count
He really is interested in your day but would much rather go for the ‘short version’.
Give him lots of ‘me time’
When he comes home from work and has finished his steak pizza, offer him time playing computer games or watching man programmes like family guy or myth busters.
Run him a bath
He won’t admit it but he would love to get in your candle lit, lavender smelling bubble bath. Don’t refer to it as being in any way unmanly, just tell him you’ve run him a bath and say no more. Leaving your rose petal talc in there won’t hurt either.
Reassure him about his weight
Happily married men will start to put weight on (don’t forget he needs constant snacks) but hate the thought of getting fat. So ditch the scales and replace all of his clothes for the next size up, don’t forget to cut the labels out! Make sure he knows you like a ‘real man’ not a stick thin teenager body. Grab is good!
Put some weight on too
If he starts to become too big, you need to put some weight on too, then just explain it’s a natural occurrence when you get to this age.
Make him lots of tea and coffee
A happy husband is one with a hot cup of tea in his hands!
Let him play out with his friends
Boys will be boys. Don’t make him feel bad about wanting to go out and play with his friends.
Ask him about the football scores
Yea I know football is the biggest waste of time ever but he’ll love that you show an interest in his football world. Look up who’s played and ask him how they did, he’ll be so impressed!
Let him fix things (even if they aren’t broken)
Every man likes to think of themselves as a machine when it comes to building, fixing or repairing. Let him get on with it and then tell him what a good job he’s done (or tell him you didn’t like it anyway if he breaks it beyond repair).
Leave the toilet seat up
He works hard, he really shouldn’t have to spend half of his life putting the toilet seat up. Help him out.
Keep a new copy of his favourite magazine in the toilet
Whilst we’re on the subject of toilets, keep an up to date ‘toilet library’ just for him. Consider putting a small tv in there if there’s room.
Don’t nag him
Under no circumstances should you nag him. If he forgets something, just do it for him and consider how it makes him feel when you ask him something over and over again.
If he looks at all sad, angry, hungry, tired, unwell or just a little off, apologise. Then find a way to make it up to him (I’ll let your imagination run wild on that one!).
This article has been written to be very tongue in cheek. It is meant for a little fun and not to be taken seriously or to cause offence.
If you have taken offence, go and sit in another room so that your negativity doesn’t affect your husband’s me time.
Which was your favourite?
Be sure to share with your husband so they understand the hard work you’re about to put into being the perfect partner!
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